How it all started!

Well, I'm having difficulty sleeping, so I thought I'd get started telling some of our story. Many people already know that we've been trying for 7 long years to build and grow our family. We struggled through fertility treatments, the miscarriage of our twins, the scary but successful birth of our BEAUTIFUL SON Maxwell Diego, and then two more years of trying to have a second child through fertility. I've been poked and prodded more than anyone should have to be... and the three of us have struggled to make it through all of the challenges. But, as with most things, I look back now and know that God had a reason for everything. The reason was Liliana. After our miscarriage, I often said that if we'd given birth to the twins, we never would have had Max. Out of our tragedy came a miracle. Similarly, if we'd successfully achieved a pregnancy and given birth to a second child, we never would have found Lili. Out of our struggles came our second miracle.

From the beginning of our attempts to build a family, Moses and I had discussed the possibilities of adoption. We were both very open to the idea, although we were also excited about the prospect of a pregnancy and birth situation. And, as people who know me well can confirm, I have always been rather controlling and somewhat of a perfectionist. I expected that, if we wanted to get pregnant and have babies, then we would do what was necessary to make it happen. I didn't think about the roller coaster ride that we were going to be faced with... I just knew that if we set our minds (and hearts) to it, it would happen. Again, though, God had a different plan. Looking back now, I think God knew that I needed to get a handle on my perfectionistic approach as well as my controlling nature. Over the years of fertility treatment, I learned to let go of things and to just go along for the ride. I don't mean to imply that I wasn't emotionally engaged... everyone that's had to be my shoulder to cry on can attest to that. But, I learned to be more accepting of God's plan for our family.

I am very fortunate to have amazing family, friends and other supportive people in my life. One amazing man that I know was able to open my eyes to the damage that I was doing, both to myself and my family, by continuing to ride the fertility roller coaster. He asked me a very important question and enabled me to have a lightbulb moment.... he asked me if I was striving to get pregnant, or to parent and love another child? This was the beginning of my SERIOUS thought about adoption. Moses and I both had always been mentally open to adoption, but I think it took us struggling for a while to be emotionally ready to pursue an adoption. And, as I believe to be true of every other step in this process, I believe this happened in God's timing. In the adoption circle, people often talk about struggles and setbacks as God's way of letting you know your child is not yet ready. I believe this with my whole heart. I think now that if we had pursued an adoption any earlier, we would not have been at the point to receive a child into our family when Liliana was born. And I know, in my heart, that Liliana IS our daughter... she was born of another woman's body, in another country, but she was born of our hearts.