Well, today's got my stomach in knots. I'm sitting here staring at my cup of coffee wondering if I'll be able to drink it, or if it will just make me feel worse. Today is one of the biggest days in our adoption process.... it's the day of the DNA test and the social worker's interview with Lili's birth mother. And, forgetting the steps of this process for a moment, it's the last time Lili's birth mother will see her or hold her.
I'm having a hard time keeping my emotions and worries under control. I'm obviously worried about the fact that the birth mother will want Lili back after she sees her. We spoke with our foster family over the weekend, and they promised to skip her bath this morning and make sure she's wearing something kind of ugly so that she doesn't look as cute as normal! I'm also nervous about getting the DNA results. The norm is that 2-3 weeks after the test, we will receive a copy of the results in the mail. We don't anticipate any issues, but there's always a chance that the woman who relinquished Lili to the attorney is not her birth mother. If this is the case, and the DNA does not match, then we would not be able to proceed with the adoption (unless the true birth mother were found). Obviously, this is a big deal and we are holding our breath just waiting for this part to be over.
Above and beyond all of these worries, though, are my emotions. I am feeling overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. For Lili and for her birth mother, as well as for us. I am SO grateful to the birth mother for her selfless gift.... for her willingness to put Lili's needs above all else. I am unable to imagine how she must be feeling about this entire process, and especially hope that she can find peace with her decision when she sees and holds Lili for the last time today. As desperate as we are to have Lili home with us, I wonder what her birth mother is feeling and thinking about everything? I wonder if my prayers for her peace and strength are matched by her prayers for Lili's future. I will most likely never be in a position to personally thank her for our beautiful daughter.... so instead, I will make sure that we give Lili every opportunity in the world and that we give her the best life possible... filled with love. One other gift that I CAN give to Lili's birth mother is our prayers. If you believe in the power of prayer, and would be willing, please say a special prayer for Lili's birth mother... that she can find the strength to get through today and that she can find peace in her decision. And that she has the knowledge in her heart that Lili will have a wonderful life filled with love.
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