Down in the dumps...

Everyone is busy watching the SuperBowl (Go Bears!), so I have nobody to talk to. Thank goodness for computers... I'll unload some of my sadness on the blog.

It's so sad and overwhelming sometimes to go through this process and deal with the ups and downs. The lack of control is something that is very difficult to explain. We have no control over, really, any part of the process. The attorneys, governments and our agency are in control of everything. More importantly, we are unable to see, speak to or hold our baby Lili when we want to. Every little shred of contact that we have with her (and her foster family) has to be enough to carry us through until the next contact.

Over a week ago, our foster mother called to say that they were taking Lili to an internet cafe to try to email us and use the web cameras to communicate with us. I rushed out to buy a web camera, got it installed, and then waited... and waited... and waited. After several hours, we did get emails from Liliana and her foster family, but they appeared to be delayed from when they had sent them. We immediately responded to them, but did not hear back. Later in the week, Moses called and talked to Angel, the foster father, and found out that they planned to visit the internet cafe again on Saturday and would either call us in the morning or around 3:00 pm. We waited all day... and heard nothing. Late last night, we finally got some emails, but again they appeared to be delayed. The last email said that they would go back to the cafe at the same time on Sunday and that we should call them at that time.

So, I got through today anticipating the call tonight... and hoping to see my little princess via the web camera. But, yet again, it wasn't meant to be. Moses called the foster family and discovered that the emails were coming through at least an hour after they were sent... they had already left the cafe and were on their way home. Moses was able to talk briefly with them, and called them again just a short time ago once they were home. We've hopefully ironed out the kinks and figured out when to call each other and when we will try to chat online. If we're lucky, they are going to try again tomorrow night. If not, I'll have to make it through another week until they can try again on Saturday. So, for tonight, my heart is broken and I'm feeling sad about the process and how little I can control (or even participate in!) I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be back in a positive frame of mind and can just appreciate the good things that we do have, instead of focusing on the things that we miss out on with this process. It's just so hard... because I miss my baby girl.