Everyone is busy watching the SuperBowl (Go Bears!), so I have nobody to talk to. Thank goodness for computers... I'll unload some of my sadness on the blog.
It's so sad and overwhelming sometimes to go through this process and deal with the ups and downs. The lack of control is something that is very difficult to explain. We have no control over, really, any part of the process. The attorneys, governments and our agency are in control of everything. More importantly, we are unable to see, speak to or hold our baby Lili when we want to. Every little shred of contact that we have with her (and her foster family) has to be enough to carry us through until the next contact.
Over a week ago, our foster mother called to say that they were taking Lili to an internet cafe to try to email us and use the web cameras to communicate with us. I rushed out to buy a web camera, got it installed, and then waited... and waited... and waited. After several hours, we did get emails from Liliana and her foster family, but they appeared to be delayed from when they had sent them. We immediately responded to them, but did not hear back. Later in the week, Moses called and talked to Angel, the foster father, and found out that they planned to visit the internet cafe again on Saturday and would either call us in the morning or around 3:00 pm. We waited all day... and heard nothing. Late last night, we finally got some emails, but again they appeared to be delayed. The last email said that they would go back to the cafe at the same time on Sunday and that we should call them at that time.
So, I got through today anticipating the call tonight... and hoping to see my little princess via the web camera. But, yet again, it wasn't meant to be. Moses called the foster family and discovered that the emails were coming through at least an hour after they were sent... they had already left the cafe and were on their way home. Moses was able to talk briefly with them, and called them again just a short time ago once they were home. We've hopefully ironed out the kinks and figured out when to call each other and when we will try to chat online. If we're lucky, they are going to try again tomorrow night. If not, I'll have to make it through another week until they can try again on Saturday. So, for tonight, my heart is broken and I'm feeling sad about the process and how little I can control (or even participate in!) I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be back in a positive frame of mind and can just appreciate the good things that we do have, instead of focusing on the things that we miss out on with this process. It's just so hard... because I miss my baby girl.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
January Visit Trip Details - part 1
I'm going to do my best to capture our 6 days in Guatemala. I'll try to list things based on the chronology of events, and will elaborate as well on some of the high points.
Saturday 1/13 - finished all of the packing, Krista went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis, Max went to the doctor with a virus/fever. Mommy & Max went to bed at 7:30pm and got up at 10:30pm. Daddy & Uncle Mike had the car loaded and we left for the airport at 11:00pm.
Sunday 1/14 - killed two hours at the airport international terminal (basically a ghost town!). Thankfully, Max was feeling better and wasn't too much of a bear with the disrupted schedule. Our flight left Chicago for Guat City at 2:30am. Uneventful flight, we slept off and on for the four hours and arrived at Guat City at 6:30 am. Got through Immigration and Customs, got our luggage, and had someone help us outside with our luggage. Finally made it to the shuttle for our hotel and were on our way! I must say, the experience at the airport was not too scary, although the entire place was VERY run-down and everything appeared to be in mid-construction. We were surprised at how many people were outside of the airport milling about and selling stuff... even at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning!
Our driver took off for the hotel, which is about 10 minutes from the airport. The drive was interesting... no speed limits, no lane markers, no turn signals, cars zipping around and cutting each other off! On top of that, there are no car seats or seatbelts, so we were doing our best to hold on to Max! As we tried to soak up the sights, we were amazed by the constant state of disrepair that prevailed in the city. Shacks, tin roofs, crumbling buildings, construction and people everywhere. Especially startling were all of the armed guards in the streets and in front of buildings. Whether they are military, police, private guards... they carry VERY large guns and are rather intimidating to someone not used to seeing this! We prepared Max for the fact that he would see men with guns, but that he should not be scared because they were the good guys! He accepted our explanation and never really questioned it.
Even though we got to the hotel at 7:30am, they had our room ready for us!! Thank God! We were already feeling the excitement and adrenaline about meeting Liliana. And after the overnight travel and limited sleep, it was a good thing that we were able to go to our suite and get settled. We were fortunate to have located another family adopting through our agency who was visiting at the same time and staying in our hotel (Misty, Chris & their 10 year old Madisyn). We had corresponded via email prior to the trip and they were planning to take pictures for us when we met Lili for the first time. I called Misty to touch base... we had arranged that we would get Lili at 10am in the lobby, so Misty agreed to meet as at 9:45am. We were so excited, all three of us... we were bouncing of the walls! We went to the lobby at 9:30am, Misty showed up at 9:45 with Baby Lyza (who's exactly one month older than Lili!!!), and then Chris & Madisyn arrived shortly thereafter. We waited until 10:30 for either the foster family or our agency coordinators (Andrea & Rafael) to arrive. When I finally made a move to find a phone to call Andrea, Misty came running to tell me that Andrea & Rafael had arrived. They live in Guatemala, are employed by our agency, and are ANGELS! They facilitate baby drop-offs between foster & adoptive families, translate, take monthly photos of the babies to send to families in the US, escort adoptive families to embassy and doctor appointments, and pretty much oversee everything that occurs in Guatemala as it relates to the adoption process. We were able to speak with them for several minutes before Moses finally gave in to Max's request to go back to the room to retrieve his beloved puppy blankie.
And, I'm sure you can guess what happened next.... the foster family arrived with Lili! Andrea & Rafael had never met our foster mother, Ligia, before, nor had they met Lili. The only information that we had (which was likely dated) was that Ligia was single and a stylist. Ends up, she is married, has three daughters and is fostering for the first time. Our hotel is very adoption friendly, so there are lots of people in and out of the lobby area dropping off and picking up babies. Andrea approached the family, who looked a bit lost, as they stood across the lobby from us. There was Ligia, her husband Angel and their three daughters Jessica, Josselin and Susana. They had Lili, but we couldn't see her because she was completely covered with blankets (the Guatemalan people typically bundle up the babies, so we knew to expect this). When Andrea determined that this was our foster family and our baby Lili, she brought them over to me and made introductions. Misty was taking pictures, Chris was videotaping, and Moses and Max were still upstairs!!!
Never, as long as I live, will I forget the next few moments. Once introductions were made, Andrea asked the family to uncover Lili and hand her to me. The oldest daughter was holding Lili - she removed the top blanket, and all I could see was the orange blanket that was used for Lili's first pictures!!! There is a story behind the orange blanket that I will share at a later time, but it added another special moment to our meeting. Finally, snuggled up in the bundle of blankets, I saw the most beautiful and tiny face.... my daughter, my angel, my Lili. She was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. And so perfectly delicate and feminine! Through my tears I reached out to take her.... and that first moment was perfect and more wonderful than I ever dreamt. I kissed her, and smelled her baby smell, and looked into her eyes... and then I prepared for the moment when she would meet her Daddy and her big brother, Max.
I have to say... when I first realized that I was going to meet the foster family and Lili before Moses & Max got back, I was kind of panicked. I thought, "Wait, someone push the pause button!" In hindsight, I am so glad that things worked out as they did. Because I had the few minutes to meet the family and Lili and to take her all in, I was then able to switch my attention to Moses and Max and watch their first meeting with our newest little Arenas. It was a priceless moment. The elevators at the hotel are glass elevators that face the lobby... as they were riding down we were able to see them coming. Max was yelling in the elevator that "Mommy has our baby!!!" And just seconds after the elevator doors opened, Max and Moses came running around the corner to meet Lili. The smiles on their faces were huge... genuine... deep. There were a few moments of chaos as Max clamored to hold Lili, but finally Moses picked him up so that he could see her more closely. Max was ecstatic. Moses was grinning from ear-to-ear. I handed Lili to Moses and then picked up Max. He immediately gave her the teddy blankie that he bought for her (just like his puppy blankie, his most prized possession). And then he hugged and kissed her. The sweetest moment to witness. My loving and beautiful son meeting our new amazing daughter for the first time... and he was immediately in love!
We spent about 15 minutes in the lobby talking with the foster family about Lili's schedule, getting their telephone numbers, giving them the gifts and baby items that we had brought, and making plans for later in the week. Once we were finished, the foster family, Andrea & Rafael left. We thanked Misty, Chris & their girls, and then went to our room to marvel at our beautiful miracle of a daughter! We spent a couple of hours just looking at her, taking her clothes off and absorbing every little inch of her. We were all exhausted, so after a bottle for Lili we all took a nap. After our nap, we did venture out to the mall that's attached to the hotel to get something to eat and to go to the pharmacy for bottled water and pop. The rest of the evening we spent in our room as a family... trying to get settled, enjoying our first day together.
That first night was pretty exhausting... between trying to get a handle on Lili's schedule (she was taking only 2 ounces every 2-3 hours!), lack of sleep from our night of travelling, and my bronchitis (which had worsened after the flight!), we were really struggling just to get through the night. But we were ok with that, in light of the beautiful gift that we'd been given. What a wonderful and amazing day!!!
Saturday 1/13 - finished all of the packing, Krista went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis, Max went to the doctor with a virus/fever. Mommy & Max went to bed at 7:30pm and got up at 10:30pm. Daddy & Uncle Mike had the car loaded and we left for the airport at 11:00pm.
Sunday 1/14 - killed two hours at the airport international terminal (basically a ghost town!). Thankfully, Max was feeling better and wasn't too much of a bear with the disrupted schedule. Our flight left Chicago for Guat City at 2:30am. Uneventful flight, we slept off and on for the four hours and arrived at Guat City at 6:30 am. Got through Immigration and Customs, got our luggage, and had someone help us outside with our luggage. Finally made it to the shuttle for our hotel and were on our way! I must say, the experience at the airport was not too scary, although the entire place was VERY run-down and everything appeared to be in mid-construction. We were surprised at how many people were outside of the airport milling about and selling stuff... even at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning!
Our driver took off for the hotel, which is about 10 minutes from the airport. The drive was interesting... no speed limits, no lane markers, no turn signals, cars zipping around and cutting each other off! On top of that, there are no car seats or seatbelts, so we were doing our best to hold on to Max! As we tried to soak up the sights, we were amazed by the constant state of disrepair that prevailed in the city. Shacks, tin roofs, crumbling buildings, construction and people everywhere. Especially startling were all of the armed guards in the streets and in front of buildings. Whether they are military, police, private guards... they carry VERY large guns and are rather intimidating to someone not used to seeing this! We prepared Max for the fact that he would see men with guns, but that he should not be scared because they were the good guys! He accepted our explanation and never really questioned it.
Even though we got to the hotel at 7:30am, they had our room ready for us!! Thank God! We were already feeling the excitement and adrenaline about meeting Liliana. And after the overnight travel and limited sleep, it was a good thing that we were able to go to our suite and get settled. We were fortunate to have located another family adopting through our agency who was visiting at the same time and staying in our hotel (Misty, Chris & their 10 year old Madisyn). We had corresponded via email prior to the trip and they were planning to take pictures for us when we met Lili for the first time. I called Misty to touch base... we had arranged that we would get Lili at 10am in the lobby, so Misty agreed to meet as at 9:45am. We were so excited, all three of us... we were bouncing of the walls! We went to the lobby at 9:30am, Misty showed up at 9:45 with Baby Lyza (who's exactly one month older than Lili!!!), and then Chris & Madisyn arrived shortly thereafter. We waited until 10:30 for either the foster family or our agency coordinators (Andrea & Rafael) to arrive. When I finally made a move to find a phone to call Andrea, Misty came running to tell me that Andrea & Rafael had arrived. They live in Guatemala, are employed by our agency, and are ANGELS! They facilitate baby drop-offs between foster & adoptive families, translate, take monthly photos of the babies to send to families in the US, escort adoptive families to embassy and doctor appointments, and pretty much oversee everything that occurs in Guatemala as it relates to the adoption process. We were able to speak with them for several minutes before Moses finally gave in to Max's request to go back to the room to retrieve his beloved puppy blankie.
And, I'm sure you can guess what happened next.... the foster family arrived with Lili! Andrea & Rafael had never met our foster mother, Ligia, before, nor had they met Lili. The only information that we had (which was likely dated) was that Ligia was single and a stylist. Ends up, she is married, has three daughters and is fostering for the first time. Our hotel is very adoption friendly, so there are lots of people in and out of the lobby area dropping off and picking up babies. Andrea approached the family, who looked a bit lost, as they stood across the lobby from us. There was Ligia, her husband Angel and their three daughters Jessica, Josselin and Susana. They had Lili, but we couldn't see her because she was completely covered with blankets (the Guatemalan people typically bundle up the babies, so we knew to expect this). When Andrea determined that this was our foster family and our baby Lili, she brought them over to me and made introductions. Misty was taking pictures, Chris was videotaping, and Moses and Max were still upstairs!!!
Never, as long as I live, will I forget the next few moments. Once introductions were made, Andrea asked the family to uncover Lili and hand her to me. The oldest daughter was holding Lili - she removed the top blanket, and all I could see was the orange blanket that was used for Lili's first pictures!!! There is a story behind the orange blanket that I will share at a later time, but it added another special moment to our meeting. Finally, snuggled up in the bundle of blankets, I saw the most beautiful and tiny face.... my daughter, my angel, my Lili. She was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. And so perfectly delicate and feminine! Through my tears I reached out to take her.... and that first moment was perfect and more wonderful than I ever dreamt. I kissed her, and smelled her baby smell, and looked into her eyes... and then I prepared for the moment when she would meet her Daddy and her big brother, Max.
I have to say... when I first realized that I was going to meet the foster family and Lili before Moses & Max got back, I was kind of panicked. I thought, "Wait, someone push the pause button!" In hindsight, I am so glad that things worked out as they did. Because I had the few minutes to meet the family and Lili and to take her all in, I was then able to switch my attention to Moses and Max and watch their first meeting with our newest little Arenas. It was a priceless moment. The elevators at the hotel are glass elevators that face the lobby... as they were riding down we were able to see them coming. Max was yelling in the elevator that "Mommy has our baby!!!" And just seconds after the elevator doors opened, Max and Moses came running around the corner to meet Lili. The smiles on their faces were huge... genuine... deep. There were a few moments of chaos as Max clamored to hold Lili, but finally Moses picked him up so that he could see her more closely. Max was ecstatic. Moses was grinning from ear-to-ear. I handed Lili to Moses and then picked up Max. He immediately gave her the teddy blankie that he bought for her (just like his puppy blankie, his most prized possession). And then he hugged and kissed her. The sweetest moment to witness. My loving and beautiful son meeting our new amazing daughter for the first time... and he was immediately in love!
We spent about 15 minutes in the lobby talking with the foster family about Lili's schedule, getting their telephone numbers, giving them the gifts and baby items that we had brought, and making plans for later in the week. Once we were finished, the foster family, Andrea & Rafael left. We thanked Misty, Chris & their girls, and then went to our room to marvel at our beautiful miracle of a daughter! We spent a couple of hours just looking at her, taking her clothes off and absorbing every little inch of her. We were all exhausted, so after a bottle for Lili we all took a nap. After our nap, we did venture out to the mall that's attached to the hotel to get something to eat and to go to the pharmacy for bottled water and pop. The rest of the evening we spent in our room as a family... trying to get settled, enjoying our first day together.
That first night was pretty exhausting... between trying to get a handle on Lili's schedule (she was taking only 2 ounces every 2-3 hours!), lack of sleep from our night of travelling, and my bronchitis (which had worsened after the flight!), we were really struggling just to get through the night. But we were ok with that, in light of the beautiful gift that we'd been given. What a wonderful and amazing day!!!
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Our decision to visit...
After we found out that we had a daughter, we were on cloud 9! Max took the pictures to school, we took the pictures to work, we shared the news with friends and family. As a joke, I told Moses that if he needed an inexpensive idea for a Christmas gift for me, he could buy me a plane ticket to Guatemala. He took me seriously... he called and talked with Kristi, our coordinator at FTIA, about visiting.
Almost everyone who chooses to make a visit trip (it's a choice, not a requirement), decides to wait until the DNA test has been completed and results are in. The reason for this is that, if a birth mother is going to change her mind about the adoption, it is most likely that she will do so before DNA testing. Additionally, there is always a slight chance that someone other than the birth mother was working with the attorney to place the baby for adoption, in which case the DNA would not match and the baby would not be available for adoption (unless the real birth mother could be found). DNA testing, on average, is completed three months after the referral information is received. Moses knew how badly I wanted to see Lili as a tiny baby, and he also felt a strong urge to not miss this early stage in her life. He did lots of research about flight options and hotels and was preparing to book a trip as a surprise gift for me for Christmas. He decided instead to tell me before booking the trip... considering my controlling nature and my anxiety issues, as well as work and home committments, he figured it was a good idea to talk to me about the trip before actually booking it. So, he came home from work one night and told me that we were going to Guatemala. He explained all that he'd done to prepare for a trip, and said that he figured it was worth the price (and the potential risk) to be able to see Lili as a tiny baby! Wow! What a husband!
We decided to visit for 5 nights, 6 days. We planned the visit for January 14 - 19 for the three of us. For the flight, we discovered that there is one airline that flies nonstop into Guatemala City out of Chicago. This is really preferable for us when travelling with Max. The only catch... the flights are red-eye flights. We decided it was worth it to avoid a connection, so we booked the red-eye. The flight to Guatemala leaves Chicago at 2:30 am and arrives at 6:30 am. The return to Chicago leaves at 8:30 pm and arrives at 12:30 am. Although this does make for some disrupted sleep and a little bit of exhaustion, we were not only able to avoid a connection, but we were also able to spend lots of extra time with Lili! This is definitely the way to go!
Our decision to visit so early in Lili's life was the best decision EVER.... I can't even begin to explain how amazing it was to get to meet our beautiful daughter and to experience her personality and habits at such an early time in her life. We will forever remember the experience, and I promise to share the details of our visit when I post next!
Almost everyone who chooses to make a visit trip (it's a choice, not a requirement), decides to wait until the DNA test has been completed and results are in. The reason for this is that, if a birth mother is going to change her mind about the adoption, it is most likely that she will do so before DNA testing. Additionally, there is always a slight chance that someone other than the birth mother was working with the attorney to place the baby for adoption, in which case the DNA would not match and the baby would not be available for adoption (unless the real birth mother could be found). DNA testing, on average, is completed three months after the referral information is received. Moses knew how badly I wanted to see Lili as a tiny baby, and he also felt a strong urge to not miss this early stage in her life. He did lots of research about flight options and hotels and was preparing to book a trip as a surprise gift for me for Christmas. He decided instead to tell me before booking the trip... considering my controlling nature and my anxiety issues, as well as work and home committments, he figured it was a good idea to talk to me about the trip before actually booking it. So, he came home from work one night and told me that we were going to Guatemala. He explained all that he'd done to prepare for a trip, and said that he figured it was worth the price (and the potential risk) to be able to see Lili as a tiny baby! Wow! What a husband!
We decided to visit for 5 nights, 6 days. We planned the visit for January 14 - 19 for the three of us. For the flight, we discovered that there is one airline that flies nonstop into Guatemala City out of Chicago. This is really preferable for us when travelling with Max. The only catch... the flights are red-eye flights. We decided it was worth it to avoid a connection, so we booked the red-eye. The flight to Guatemala leaves Chicago at 2:30 am and arrives at 6:30 am. The return to Chicago leaves at 8:30 pm and arrives at 12:30 am. Although this does make for some disrupted sleep and a little bit of exhaustion, we were not only able to avoid a connection, but we were also able to spend lots of extra time with Lili! This is definitely the way to go!
Our decision to visit so early in Lili's life was the best decision EVER.... I can't even begin to explain how amazing it was to get to meet our beautiful daughter and to experience her personality and habits at such an early time in her life. We will forever remember the experience, and I promise to share the details of our visit when I post next!
Monday, January 29, 2007
How we got the news about Liliana
After so many months of paperwork and WAITING for news about a baby girl, we were growing more and more impatient and eager to get some news. We have an assigned coordinator at our adoption agency in Indiana that we are in contact with about our process... her name is Kristi. I had called Kristi the first week of December having a bit of a meltdown. I was getting somewhate depressed about the wait, and was looking for any bit of information that she could provide. In reality, the coordinators are not allowed to tell us where we fall on the waiting list. The reason for this is that people are approved for different "types" of babies. Different ages of children, different medical needs, and different "requests" (such as age of birth mother, ethnic background of child, etc). There are some cases where someone that is further down the waiting list will get a referral before someone closer to the top of the list because the child is a better match for the family. In order to prevent people from getting upset about this type of situation, they don't tell you exactly where you fall on the waiting list. So... when I talked to our coordinator, all she could tell me was that we were getting close and to hang in there!!
My patience was restored at least for a few days. Less than a week later, on Thursday 12/14, I sent a follow-up email to Kristi asking if there had been any referrals. I didn't hear back from her that day, but didn't think much of it. The next day, Friday 12/15, Moses and I had scheduled to take the day off and keep Max home from school. We planned to spend a quiet family day before the craziness of the holidays. When our phone rang at 8:00 am on Friday morning, I was slow to grab it figuring that it must be someone from the bank calling for Moses. When he said "It's FTIA in Indiana".... I about lost it! I knew they had to be calling with great news!!!!!
I immediately called our coordinator... and sure enough, they had information about a referral for us! We were asked to review her medical information before we saw her picture.... they didn't want her physical appearance to impact our decision. When we got her medical documents via email, I was SHOCKED and overwhelmed with emotion to see her birth name... Gladys Patricia. My maternal grandmother, whom I was VERY close to, was Gladys Marie. I couldn't believe it.... it was a sign from my grandmother that this was our baby! Sure enough, nothing in the medical was an issue so we called our coordinator and told her we were THRILLED to accept the referral of baby Gladys. She emailed us pictures (WOW! how beautiful!) and gave us a run down of the information about her birth mother, etc over the phone. She promised to send us the referral packet (pictures, birth mother information, medical information, attorney information, foster mother information, etc) overnight if she could get everything together. We were SOOOOOO excited!!!!! We told Max that his baby was born... he immediately asked if we were going to Guatemala to get her and bring her home. I explained to him that she wasn't quite ready to come home. He was a bit confused by this, but excited about his baby sister! We called Grandma Lois & Grandpa Corey to tell them about the baby (especially about her birth name, as Gladys was Grandma Lois' mother). We made a couple more phone calls, stared at her pictures, raced to Target with the pictures so we could print them out, and CELEBRATED our good fortune! The entire weekend was spent on cloud 9... sharing the great news with family and friends, staring at her picture, and marveling in the fact that we had finally met our daughter! Liliana Marie was the name we had chosen for her prior to receiving the referral. This name was a combination of our four grandmother's names. However, in an effort to honor her birth mother and the gift that she had given us, we chose to change the name to Liliana Rose Marie (her birth mother's name is Rosa). That day, Liliana Rose Marie became an immediate member of our family and captured a place in many people's hearts!!
My patience was restored at least for a few days. Less than a week later, on Thursday 12/14, I sent a follow-up email to Kristi asking if there had been any referrals. I didn't hear back from her that day, but didn't think much of it. The next day, Friday 12/15, Moses and I had scheduled to take the day off and keep Max home from school. We planned to spend a quiet family day before the craziness of the holidays. When our phone rang at 8:00 am on Friday morning, I was slow to grab it figuring that it must be someone from the bank calling for Moses. When he said "It's FTIA in Indiana".... I about lost it! I knew they had to be calling with great news!!!!!
I immediately called our coordinator... and sure enough, they had information about a referral for us! We were asked to review her medical information before we saw her picture.... they didn't want her physical appearance to impact our decision. When we got her medical documents via email, I was SHOCKED and overwhelmed with emotion to see her birth name... Gladys Patricia. My maternal grandmother, whom I was VERY close to, was Gladys Marie. I couldn't believe it.... it was a sign from my grandmother that this was our baby! Sure enough, nothing in the medical was an issue so we called our coordinator and told her we were THRILLED to accept the referral of baby Gladys. She emailed us pictures (WOW! how beautiful!) and gave us a run down of the information about her birth mother, etc over the phone. She promised to send us the referral packet (pictures, birth mother information, medical information, attorney information, foster mother information, etc) overnight if she could get everything together. We were SOOOOOO excited!!!!! We told Max that his baby was born... he immediately asked if we were going to Guatemala to get her and bring her home. I explained to him that she wasn't quite ready to come home. He was a bit confused by this, but excited about his baby sister! We called Grandma Lois & Grandpa Corey to tell them about the baby (especially about her birth name, as Gladys was Grandma Lois' mother). We made a couple more phone calls, stared at her pictures, raced to Target with the pictures so we could print them out, and CELEBRATED our good fortune! The entire weekend was spent on cloud 9... sharing the great news with family and friends, staring at her picture, and marveling in the fact that we had finally met our daughter! Liliana Marie was the name we had chosen for her prior to receiving the referral. This name was a combination of our four grandmother's names. However, in an effort to honor her birth mother and the gift that she had given us, we chose to change the name to Liliana Rose Marie (her birth mother's name is Rosa). That day, Liliana Rose Marie became an immediate member of our family and captured a place in many people's hearts!!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Description of the adoption process (LONG)...
So, last that I wrote I was explaining about our decision to travel down the road of adoption. Once we'd made our mind to adopt, we were very eager to get things moving. We started to research different adoption agencies prior to our last round of fertility treatment. We had all but decided on the agency that we would use to do our homestudy (our homestudy agency) as well as the agency that we would use to help us find a baby in Guatemala (our placement agency). We heard about an adoption symposium from our fertility doctor and while attending met a wonderful woman who shared her story with us. She and her husband were unable to have biological children. She is hispanic and her husband is caucasian (sounds familiar). They adopted their daughter from Mexico, which is very uncommon. She said they spent a lot of money, a lot of time and a lot of frustration trying to get through the adoption in Mexico. After the struggle to bring their daughter home, they decided to adopt a son from Guatemala. They decided to use Families Through International Adoption (FTIA) out of Indiana for their placement agency. This woman RAVED about her experience with the agency, as well as her experience with the adoption process in Guatemala. We were sold. After some additional research, and our last failed fertility attempt, we signed our application with FTIA in May 2006 to adopt a child from Guatemala. For those who are not familiar with the adoption process, or specifically with the process to adopt from Guatemala, I thought I'd give a little overview....
1) Pick your placement agency, which is any adoption agency in the US that has specific agreements with orphanages and/or adoption attorneys in the country that you want to adopt.
2) Pick a home study agency to complete your state DCFS requirements, as well as the social worker portion of the documents (if your placement agency is located in the state that you reside, they are able to complete your homestudy. Otherwise, you must select a different agency within your state of residence).
3) Prepare all of the necessary documentation for your dossier and work with the social worker from your home study agency to complete your home study. The dossier is the "application" that will be sent to Guatemala. It includes documents to meet the requirements of Guatemala, the US Embassy, US Immigration Services, DCFS and your placement agency. The home study includes personal home visits from a licensed social worker, as well as a lengthy write up about your ability (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, medically) to parent an adopted child.
4) When all dossier documents and the home study are completed, the documents are sent to your placement agency and you are officially on the waiting list for a child. For us, this meant the beginning of a 3 month wait for our daughter! We went on the waiting list on 9/5/06 and found out about Liliana on 12/15/06.
5) The "referral" of a child is when the agency provides information about a specific child for your family to adopt. Upon review of the documentation, if you chose to proceed with the adoption, you complete more paperwork. This, combined with your original dossier, is then sent to Guatemala for translation and is used by the adoption attorney to proceed through the process.
6) The attorney submits your paperwork to US Immigration Services to get preapproval to bring the child into the US as an adopted child. The US Embassy will then issue authorization to have DNA testing completed on the birth mother and child (this is a requirement of the US and Guatemalan governments to prove maternity). When DNA testing is completed and is a match, you get preapproval from the US Embassy to proceed to the next step.
7) The attorney will submit a Power of Attorney in Guatemalan court to represent us. He then files our dossier with a Guatemalan Family Court, who will complete interviews with Lili's foster mother and birth mother. The social worker from Family Court will review our dossier and home study, and make a recommendation to approve our file. If the judge approves, this is Family Court approval.
8) After receipt of US Embassy preapproval and Family Court approval, the file is submitted to PGN (Guatemalan legal arm that approves adoptions). The file is reviewed by attorneys in PGN and can take weeks to months to get approval of the attorney. After an attorney approves the file, it must then be approved by the PGN Director. This is often the longest part of the process.
9) After PGN approval, the birth mother will sign the final adoption decree making Lili legally our daughter. The attorney will request a revised birth certificate for Lili (with our last name and Moses & I listed as her parents). Upon receipt of the birth certificate, the file will be submitted to the US Embassy for a Visa appointment (this is referred to as "pink" because the appointment slip is on pink paper). At that point, we will get a call telling us when we are scheduled for the Visa appointment, we will fly to Guatemala and get Lili! During the last part of the process, a passport will be issued, Lili will have a final appointment with a US Embassy doctor, and we will be saying goodbye to Lili's foster family. The trip to pickup Lili will be somewhat last minute, but will be short and sweet (just a few days in Guatemala!) When we return home, Lili will legally be our daughter and will be a US Citizen.
Whew!!!!! It's hard to describe the process to anyone who's not part of the adoption circle. Lots of steps, lots of waiting and lots of uncertainty. For those of you who wonder "How long until she comes home?", there's really no good answer. Every step in this process can have it's delays... there are average timeframes for everything, but no consistency to anything regarding timing. If I had to say the average timeframe from the time of the referral (acceptance of the child) until bringing the child home, it averages around 6-8 months. The quickest I've seen anyone get through is 4 months, and the longest I've seen is 12+ months and still waiting! So... that said, say a special prayer for us, do a little dance, light some candles... whatever brings luck to those you are thinking of!
Until next time....
1) Pick your placement agency, which is any adoption agency in the US that has specific agreements with orphanages and/or adoption attorneys in the country that you want to adopt.
2) Pick a home study agency to complete your state DCFS requirements, as well as the social worker portion of the documents (if your placement agency is located in the state that you reside, they are able to complete your homestudy. Otherwise, you must select a different agency within your state of residence).
3) Prepare all of the necessary documentation for your dossier and work with the social worker from your home study agency to complete your home study. The dossier is the "application" that will be sent to Guatemala. It includes documents to meet the requirements of Guatemala, the US Embassy, US Immigration Services, DCFS and your placement agency. The home study includes personal home visits from a licensed social worker, as well as a lengthy write up about your ability (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, medically) to parent an adopted child.
4) When all dossier documents and the home study are completed, the documents are sent to your placement agency and you are officially on the waiting list for a child. For us, this meant the beginning of a 3 month wait for our daughter! We went on the waiting list on 9/5/06 and found out about Liliana on 12/15/06.
5) The "referral" of a child is when the agency provides information about a specific child for your family to adopt. Upon review of the documentation, if you chose to proceed with the adoption, you complete more paperwork. This, combined with your original dossier, is then sent to Guatemala for translation and is used by the adoption attorney to proceed through the process.
6) The attorney submits your paperwork to US Immigration Services to get preapproval to bring the child into the US as an adopted child. The US Embassy will then issue authorization to have DNA testing completed on the birth mother and child (this is a requirement of the US and Guatemalan governments to prove maternity). When DNA testing is completed and is a match, you get preapproval from the US Embassy to proceed to the next step.
7) The attorney will submit a Power of Attorney in Guatemalan court to represent us. He then files our dossier with a Guatemalan Family Court, who will complete interviews with Lili's foster mother and birth mother. The social worker from Family Court will review our dossier and home study, and make a recommendation to approve our file. If the judge approves, this is Family Court approval.
8) After receipt of US Embassy preapproval and Family Court approval, the file is submitted to PGN (Guatemalan legal arm that approves adoptions). The file is reviewed by attorneys in PGN and can take weeks to months to get approval of the attorney. After an attorney approves the file, it must then be approved by the PGN Director. This is often the longest part of the process.
9) After PGN approval, the birth mother will sign the final adoption decree making Lili legally our daughter. The attorney will request a revised birth certificate for Lili (with our last name and Moses & I listed as her parents). Upon receipt of the birth certificate, the file will be submitted to the US Embassy for a Visa appointment (this is referred to as "pink" because the appointment slip is on pink paper). At that point, we will get a call telling us when we are scheduled for the Visa appointment, we will fly to Guatemala and get Lili! During the last part of the process, a passport will be issued, Lili will have a final appointment with a US Embassy doctor, and we will be saying goodbye to Lili's foster family. The trip to pickup Lili will be somewhat last minute, but will be short and sweet (just a few days in Guatemala!) When we return home, Lili will legally be our daughter and will be a US Citizen.
Whew!!!!! It's hard to describe the process to anyone who's not part of the adoption circle. Lots of steps, lots of waiting and lots of uncertainty. For those of you who wonder "How long until she comes home?", there's really no good answer. Every step in this process can have it's delays... there are average timeframes for everything, but no consistency to anything regarding timing. If I had to say the average timeframe from the time of the referral (acceptance of the child) until bringing the child home, it averages around 6-8 months. The quickest I've seen anyone get through is 4 months, and the longest I've seen is 12+ months and still waiting! So... that said, say a special prayer for us, do a little dance, light some candles... whatever brings luck to those you are thinking of!
Until next time....
How it all started!
Well, I'm having difficulty sleeping, so I thought I'd get started telling some of our story. Many people already know that we've been trying for 7 long years to build and grow our family. We struggled through fertility treatments, the miscarriage of our twins, the scary but successful birth of our BEAUTIFUL SON Maxwell Diego, and then two more years of trying to have a second child through fertility. I've been poked and prodded more than anyone should have to be... and the three of us have struggled to make it through all of the challenges. But, as with most things, I look back now and know that God had a reason for everything. The reason was Liliana. After our miscarriage, I often said that if we'd given birth to the twins, we never would have had Max. Out of our tragedy came a miracle. Similarly, if we'd successfully achieved a pregnancy and given birth to a second child, we never would have found Lili. Out of our struggles came our second miracle.
From the beginning of our attempts to build a family, Moses and I had discussed the possibilities of adoption. We were both very open to the idea, although we were also excited about the prospect of a pregnancy and birth situation. And, as people who know me well can confirm, I have always been rather controlling and somewhat of a perfectionist. I expected that, if we wanted to get pregnant and have babies, then we would do what was necessary to make it happen. I didn't think about the roller coaster ride that we were going to be faced with... I just knew that if we set our minds (and hearts) to it, it would happen. Again, though, God had a different plan. Looking back now, I think God knew that I needed to get a handle on my perfectionistic approach as well as my controlling nature. Over the years of fertility treatment, I learned to let go of things and to just go along for the ride. I don't mean to imply that I wasn't emotionally engaged... everyone that's had to be my shoulder to cry on can attest to that. But, I learned to be more accepting of God's plan for our family.
I am very fortunate to have amazing family, friends and other supportive people in my life. One amazing man that I know was able to open my eyes to the damage that I was doing, both to myself and my family, by continuing to ride the fertility roller coaster. He asked me a very important question and enabled me to have a lightbulb moment.... he asked me if I was striving to get pregnant, or to parent and love another child? This was the beginning of my SERIOUS thought about adoption. Moses and I both had always been mentally open to adoption, but I think it took us struggling for a while to be emotionally ready to pursue an adoption. And, as I believe to be true of every other step in this process, I believe this happened in God's timing. In the adoption circle, people often talk about struggles and setbacks as God's way of letting you know your child is not yet ready. I believe this with my whole heart. I think now that if we had pursued an adoption any earlier, we would not have been at the point to receive a child into our family when Liliana was born. And I know, in my heart, that Liliana IS our daughter... she was born of another woman's body, in another country, but she was born of our hearts.
From the beginning of our attempts to build a family, Moses and I had discussed the possibilities of adoption. We were both very open to the idea, although we were also excited about the prospect of a pregnancy and birth situation. And, as people who know me well can confirm, I have always been rather controlling and somewhat of a perfectionist. I expected that, if we wanted to get pregnant and have babies, then we would do what was necessary to make it happen. I didn't think about the roller coaster ride that we were going to be faced with... I just knew that if we set our minds (and hearts) to it, it would happen. Again, though, God had a different plan. Looking back now, I think God knew that I needed to get a handle on my perfectionistic approach as well as my controlling nature. Over the years of fertility treatment, I learned to let go of things and to just go along for the ride. I don't mean to imply that I wasn't emotionally engaged... everyone that's had to be my shoulder to cry on can attest to that. But, I learned to be more accepting of God's plan for our family.
I am very fortunate to have amazing family, friends and other supportive people in my life. One amazing man that I know was able to open my eyes to the damage that I was doing, both to myself and my family, by continuing to ride the fertility roller coaster. He asked me a very important question and enabled me to have a lightbulb moment.... he asked me if I was striving to get pregnant, or to parent and love another child? This was the beginning of my SERIOUS thought about adoption. Moses and I both had always been mentally open to adoption, but I think it took us struggling for a while to be emotionally ready to pursue an adoption. And, as I believe to be true of every other step in this process, I believe this happened in God's timing. In the adoption circle, people often talk about struggles and setbacks as God's way of letting you know your child is not yet ready. I believe this with my whole heart. I think now that if we had pursued an adoption any earlier, we would not have been at the point to receive a child into our family when Liliana was born. And I know, in my heart, that Liliana IS our daughter... she was born of another woman's body, in another country, but she was born of our hearts.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Intro to our BLOG!
This is a first for me... I've never created a blog site before, so be patient while I learn! We have been so touched by everyone's interest in Liliana and our journey to bring her home. In order to more easily share information with our friends and family, I've decided that this blog will be a great tool! Over time, I will share with all of you our adoption timeline, some of our thoughts about the adoption process, and (most importantly!) pictures and stories about our beautiful girl, Liliana Rose Marie. Check back often.... I will do my best to keep this site updated with our current information.
Thanks to everyone for your love and support!
Krista
Thanks to everyone for your love and support!
Krista
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