DNA & Birthmother Interview Confirmed!!!

We got confirmation on Wednesday night that the DNA test and the birthmother interview both took place on 3/22 (last Thursday). They were originally scheduled for 3/19, but there must have been some conflict that caused them to reschedule, but the great news is that it's DONE! Now, we just have to wait 2-3 weeks to get the results of the DNA test in the mail! Then, the US Embassy can issue Pre-Approval in preparation for entering PGN (the legal part of this process). Also, before we can get into PGN, the social worker who interviewed our birth mother will need to complete her write up and get a judge in the Family Court to approve our file. Once we have the Family Court approval and the Pre-Approval from the US Embassy, our file will be submitted to the attorneys in PGN!!!!!!

It's so nice to be making progress and getting closer to bringing Lili home. Still no real firm idea of when she'll be home.... so keep praying that it's soon!

Mommy & Grandma's TRIP!!!

Well, we're still waiting for news from our agency about the DNA test and birthmother interview that were scheduled for last week. I'm hopeful that we'll get an update today. I've been really anxious about Lili's birthmother seeing her and maybe changing her mind. My coordinator, Kristi, has reassured me that if anything like that happens they would call us right away.

So, our other big news is that my mom, Lois, and I are planning a VISIT TRIP!!!! My parents had been talking about going on a tour in Guatemala (with us, if possible) and then coordinating with one of our trips so that they could meet Lili. Unfortunately, with my Dad's surgery on his arm, and with the fact that our kids are really too small for a long tour, we've decided to wait and take a bigger tour when the kids are a little older. So, in the meantime, Grandma is SOOOOO excited to get to meet Lili and has decided she just can't wait! Grandpa was going to go along with us, but he's not real keen on the idea of sitting in the hotel room staring at our little Lili! He's a much more active kind of guy and likes to be able to at least play with the kids!! So, Grandma and I have scheduled a long weekend in April to go for a girls weekend, 3 generation visit!!! We are SO excited, and have been talking every day to coordinate and plan the details. Good thing Moses, Max and I have already made a couple of trips and know what we need to pack for a visit trip.... I think with everything that we take for Lili, it's important that we only take the basics for the adults!

I'm excited for my mom to meet Lili... and for us to spend the weekend together. I'll definitely miss Moses and Max... this is the first that I've been away from Max for more than just an overnight. Still haven't quite decided what we'll tell Max about my trip... we may have to tell him that Mommy and Grandma are just going away for the weekend and not tell him about Guatemala. Then again, maybe I'll just tell him that Mommy has to take Grandma to Guatemala, and Daddy needs someone to take care of him so Max has to stay home!!!

Feeling GUILTY!

I'm feeling very guilty about not posting very often, but things have been pretty busy. My parents were in town last weekend for a visit, Moses was out of town on Monday, sick on Tuesday, and now out of town again today and tomorrow. I really can't wait for the weekend so that we can spend some time relaxing!

So, I still need to post some updates about our last visit trip in early March... I promise I haven't forgotten! I just need to make sure I find enough time to dedicate to the task. Speaking of visits, I looked online this morning and flights are ON SALE again! Woohoo! Looks like I'll be seeing my baby girl again sometime in the next 4-6 weeks! Moses probably won't be able to go because of work, so I'll either plan a short trip for myself or maybe talk my Mom into going with me and taking Max along. We'll see!

Adoption news has been quiet this week. We were scheduled for DNA test and birth mother interview on Monday. We hope to find out early next week if this occurred, or if there was a conflict for the birth mother and they had to reschedule. I was reassured by Kristi, our coordinator, that if there's BAD news, we should hear something right away. Otherwise, no news is either no news or good news.

We've been able to talk with our foster family a couple of times this week, and see Lili on the webcam as well. Last night she was VERY active when we were trying to see her live. She wouldn't stay still, so they had to keep moving the webcam to try to capture her in action! Although Moses will be out of town tonight, I may try to get a look at her again via the webcam. I can say enough in Spanish to get by with the foster family, and I really don't need to talk too much if I'm just trying to get a look at my baby girl!

I promise, I'll try to post soon about our last trip. And, I'll be sure to post any good news updates that we receive! Keep us in your prayers for quick progress... it's getting warmer and I'm just DYING to get our beautiful girl home!!!!!!

A BIG Day.... Please say some prayers

Well, today's got my stomach in knots. I'm sitting here staring at my cup of coffee wondering if I'll be able to drink it, or if it will just make me feel worse. Today is one of the biggest days in our adoption process.... it's the day of the DNA test and the social worker's interview with Lili's birth mother. And, forgetting the steps of this process for a moment, it's the last time Lili's birth mother will see her or hold her.

I'm having a hard time keeping my emotions and worries under control. I'm obviously worried about the fact that the birth mother will want Lili back after she sees her. We spoke with our foster family over the weekend, and they promised to skip her bath this morning and make sure she's wearing something kind of ugly so that she doesn't look as cute as normal! I'm also nervous about getting the DNA results. The norm is that 2-3 weeks after the test, we will receive a copy of the results in the mail. We don't anticipate any issues, but there's always a chance that the woman who relinquished Lili to the attorney is not her birth mother. If this is the case, and the DNA does not match, then we would not be able to proceed with the adoption (unless the true birth mother were found). Obviously, this is a big deal and we are holding our breath just waiting for this part to be over.

Above and beyond all of these worries, though, are my emotions. I am feeling overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. For Lili and for her birth mother, as well as for us. I am SO grateful to the birth mother for her selfless gift.... for her willingness to put Lili's needs above all else. I am unable to imagine how she must be feeling about this entire process, and especially hope that she can find peace with her decision when she sees and holds Lili for the last time today. As desperate as we are to have Lili home with us, I wonder what her birth mother is feeling and thinking about everything? I wonder if my prayers for her peace and strength are matched by her prayers for Lili's future. I will most likely never be in a position to personally thank her for our beautiful daughter.... so instead, I will make sure that we give Lili every opportunity in the world and that we give her the best life possible... filled with love. One other gift that I CAN give to Lili's birth mother is our prayers. If you believe in the power of prayer, and would be willing, please say a special prayer for Lili's birth mother... that she can find the strength to get through today and that she can find peace in her decision. And that she has the knowledge in her heart that Lili will have a wonderful life filled with love.

We're Home - AND We Got GREAT News!

Well, I've been negligent in updating the blog (thanks to Teresa for pointing this out!) We had a wonderful visit trip with Lili (and with the foster family). We got home from the trip early Saturday morning (around 3 am), and spent most of the day Saturday and Sunday resting up, doing laundry and unpacking. Monday was a pretty rough day for us, as I was down about receiving no new updates on our case for 6 weeks! We both talked to Kristi, our coordinator at the agency, and she was honest with us about the fact that she had no news. BUT... someone must have recognized how down we were, because she called us early Tuesday morning with GREAT news of progress! Our file was entered into Family Court in Guatemala on 3/1, and the attorney has scheduled our birthmother's interview and DNA testing for Monday 3/19!!!! This is awesome!!! Doesn't really do much to tell us when we can bring Lili home, but it's a HUGE step forward and something to be celebrated! We took Max out to dinner last night, although we didn't really explain why.... until it's time to bring Lili home, he really can't comprehend the baby-steps that we are moving forward in this process!

I've got to cut this message short, but I will post more details about our 2nd visit trip soon!

Krista

36 hours and counting!

Well, we're 36 hours away from holding our little Lili! We're scheduled to leave our house tomorrow night at 11:00pm, and we fly out of O'Hare at 2:30 am. We get to Guatemala City at 6:30 am, and the hotel shuttle will pick us up and take us to the hotel. With any luck, they'll have a room ready for us like they did last time. Then, at 10:00 am, our foster family will bring Lili to us at the hotel! We are SO excited!

We've been rather anxious about the visit trip, especially with the drama this week surrounding my health. I've been home all week trying to pass this darn stone... no luck so far. When I started out, it was in my ureter causing kidney blockage (NOT GOOD!) I visited a nephrologist (renal specialist) yesterday. He ended up sending me back to the ER last night, where we discovered it's moved into my bladder and should be passing sometime soon(?) I'm still having pain, although it's not quite as bad as when it was ripping through my kidney and ureters!!! And thanks to my doctor, I've got clearance to take as many pain meds as I need to enable me to leave for Guatemala as scheduled!!!!!! Thank GOD!!!!

So, I'm feeling sleepy from my pain meds, so I'm gonna sign off. Say some prayers for us that our flight goes smooth and that we have a wonderful uneventful week with Lili. And say an extra prayer that I pass this darn kidney stone!!!

Out of Commission!!!

Well, the sick germs have been visiting our house. Moses had the flu for most of the weekend, and I've been fighting off a bad cold. We're doing everything we can to get better before we leave for Guatemala late Friday night!! We both stayed home yesterday to rest, pop vitamins, drink plenty of orange juice and try to recuperate. Little did we know that sleep was not in the cards for us late last night.... around 6:00pm, I started having pain on my left side. Dismissed it as it subsided by about 7:30 or 8:00. Took my cold pills at 10:00 and hit the sack... by midnight, I was awakened by severe pain. I tried to take a hot bath to see if the pain would subside, but no success. Called the answering service for my doctor and was advised to go to the Emergency Room. As it was 1:00 in the morning, I didn't want all of us to spend a couple of hours at the hospital just sitting and waiting. I decided to drive myself and let Moses stay home with Max. By the time I got to the hospital, the pain was excruciating. Once I was finally in a room and they gave me some pain medication, I was feeling sleepy and calmed. A CT scan confirmed our suspicions.... KIDNEY STONES! This is the second time I've had kidney stones, and probably won't be the last. I have yet to pass the one that's causing problems right now... and I have many more in both kidneys. I have my Dad to thank for this... he has chronic kidney stones (honestly, he's probably had a total of 200+ kidney stones either passed or removed). I'm all doped up on pain meds right now, so I'm pretty much laying around waiting until the meds start to wear off and I can take the next ones. Tomorrow, I'll go to see a Nephrologist about what can be done to pass this stone (before we leave for Guatemala), as well as preventing future occurrences. I must say, the pain is definitely something I don't want to go through again, but I don't look forward to the potential that I'll have to eliminate CHOCOLATE from my diet to prevent future stones!!!!

So, other than our health issues, things are going well. No progress on the adoption (at least none that we are aware of). We are pretty much packed and ready to leave this weekend for another week with Lili. We've also been blessed with our recent ability to communicate with our foster family via the internet and the web camera. We've received three emails this week with photos of Lili, and we've talked live on instant messenger and watched Lili on the webcamera a couple of times as well! I'm attaching a couple of pictures of Lili that we've received.... she's getting so big!

Hanging in there!

Well, we've had a busy week so I haven't been able to post before now. Work has been hectic and by the time I get home and do all of my "chores", I'm exhausted! On top of that, we've been saying our prayers and religiously keeping an eye on the computer to see if our foster family gets their internet hooked up and running! It appears they have the internet hooked up, have downloaded instant messenger, and possibly have the webcam working. They've sent a few emails this week, which has been great! We actually got a couple of pictures... Josselin, the oldest daughter, just celebrated her quincenera (it's like our version of a sweet sixteen, but they celebrate for the fifteenth birthday). I'm attaching the one picture of Josselin in her gown with Lili, and another of Ligia (foster mom), Josselin, Jessica and Susana (three foster daughters), and some of Ligia's aunts with Lili.

Also, we got our updated pictures of Lili today from our agency (I've posted a couple in the column to the right!)! They send one of the coordinators in Guatemala to each of the foster homes once per month to take photos of the babies so that they can send them to the adoptive families. Also, the doctor visits the families once a month to take updated measurements... as of 2/7, Lili weighed in at 9 pounds! It's funny... Max weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces at birth, and Lili barely weighs that much at 2 months old! No wonder she seems so tiny!

We're preparing for our next visit trip to Guatemala... leave Chicago on Saturday 3/3, return on Friday 3/9. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited to hold Lili and see how much she's changed! I'm sure it'll be just as awful leaving her as it was on our first trip, but it's worth it to be able to see her and bond with her. Also, it's wonderful getting to know the foster family and having the chance to explore Lili's birthplace!

Last Day of our first visit trip (1/19)

Well, the last day of our visit trip was one of the most dreadful days of my life. We spent a lot of the night awake... just holding and staring at Lili. We were really having a rough time holding our emotions in, but felt that we really needed to be strong for Max. We had begun to prepare him for the fact that it was the day that we had to head home to Chicago. He was SOOOO sad. He begged us to let him take Lili home. We tried to explain the best we could that we could not take her with us... that she wasn't "ready" to go yet and that we had to leave her with Ligia & Angel and their girls.

We had made plans with Ligia to have lunch at 2:00 and spend some time together before we gave Lili back. As the morning progressed, we realized that we were not going to be able to eat. We were just too sad. Moses finally went to the lobby to use a phone to call Ligia... she was so wonderfully compassionate and understanding. She had anticipated how sad and miserable we would be, and told us that she would do whatever we were most comfortable with. Moses asked her to still come by at 2:00, but that we would just spend some time together in the lobby of the hotel.

We checked out of our room and had our luggage locked up in the storage room. We were waiting in the lobby of the hotel when Ligia arrived with her three daughters. They were very excited to see Lili, but were also compassionate about what we were going through. Ligia told us that she could only imagine how sad we were... and that she knew her family would be that sad when it was time for us to pickup Lili and bring her home permanently. Max was a wreck... he was crying, sobbing, and clinging to me. My heart was broken not only because we were leaving Lili, but also because I couldn't do anything for Max. Moses realized very quickly that Max and I were just falling apart... he decided that we were just postponing the inevitable, so he made the decision to speed up our goodbyes. Instead of visiting with the foster family for a couple of hours, we spent maybe 20 minutes together before we said goodbye. Moses apologized to me later, but I was well aware that he had made the best decision for all of us.

We tried to comfort and distract Max from his sadness... we walked to the mall and got him an ice cream cone at McDonald's and let him play in the play area. Finally, around 4:00, the hotel shuttle drove us to the airport to wait for our flight. We had several long hours of waiting at the airport... yuck! The Guatemala City airport has 8 gates... it's very small, and there's not much to keep a 4-year old busy during a 4 hour wait!! We went through a couple of the small shops that were in the airport, and ordered a couple of sandwiches to eat before we left. There was basically one place to get something to eat... for the first time since we'd been in Guatemala, we were also able to get an iced coffee! Everywhere we went in Guate, we asked if they had iced coffee... and they looked at us like we had two heads! So, we had our coffee and shared a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. We ordered Max a "French Dog".... thought it would be a regular hot dog. Instead, it was this huge sub bun that was grilled like a panini. The hot dog was cut in half long ways so that it laid flat... and, of all combinations, they put mayo, mustard and avocado on the hot dog!!! Moses had to pick off most of the avocado and mayo before Max would eat it... but it gave us a good laugh!

We finally were able to board the plane, although we had to split up our seats a little bit. It was a very full flight, and Max and I were sitting in the aisle and middle seat on one side, with Moses across the aisle in the next seat. Max finally fell asleep after takeoff, although he did wake up a couple of times crying for Lili. Moses and I didn't sleep much, as we were still trying to process the emotions of the day. We arrived in Chicago at 12:30 am and had to wait quite a while to get through immigration and customs. Finally, we got outside (in the freezing cold with no coats!), found Uncle Mike and the van, and loaded up to head home. First stop on the way home... Dunkin Donuts for large iced coffees!!! By the time we got home, Moses figured I'd be eager to get the luggage unpacked and everything put away. He asked me what I wanted him to start working on, and I told him he could do whatever he wanted, but I was taking Max upstairs, getting our jammies on, and going to bed! I took my boy to our room so he could sleep with us, and we held each others hands as we fell asleep. I was so depressed about leaving Lili, but tried to stay focused on my wonderful son and husband and how nice it was to be back home.

Day 4 & 5 of our 1st visit trip (1/17 & 1/18)

Our fourth day in Guate was somewhat emotional... our good friends, the Melvins, were headed back to Indiana and had to give their daughter Lyza back to her foster mom Gloria. They asked Moses to translate, so we were with them when their foster mom showed up and after they handed over Lyza. It was heart-wrenching. And, while I was trying to be supportive of them, I was also fighting back my own tears at the thought of having to leave Lili in a couple of days. Madisyn (10 year old big sis), Misty (mommy) and Chris (daddy) did pretty well considering how tough it was to watch their baby leaving. Madisyn was pretty upset, but Misty was a great mom and was able to hold back her own emotion so that she could support Madisyn. After we said our goodbyes to the Melvins, we headed back to our room to spend some quality time with Lili.

The rest of the day was spent quietly in our room as a family. I caught myself several times thinking about how tough it was going to be to leave Lili. But, I was doing my best to focus on enjoying the time we had left, instead of dreading the day we would have to give her back. We had fun in the afternoon making family t-shirts... Lili's was painted with a flower (the petals were made from our fingerprints). Max's shirt had Lili's footprint and said "I am the BIG brother". Mine had Lili's footprints over my heart and said "Liliana Rose Marie - Close to my heart". Moe's had Lili's footprint on the chest and Max's footprint on the back. Underneath each footprint was the kid's name and their year of birth (Est. 2002 or Est. 2006). They turned out really cute and were not only a great activity to keep us occupied, but will also provide us with a great memento of our first visit together.

The fifth day of our trip was also spent rather quietly at the hotel. We wanted to go for a swim with the kids, but the pool heater was not working. They did turn down the heat on one of the hot tubs, so we were able to let Max splash around and got some great pictures of Lili in her stylish swimsuit from Auntie Rebecca!! I also got a great idea from Misty... Lyza's hair was so long that Misty used her nailclippers to snip a little of it to keep. I didn't think Lili would appreciate me cutting her head, so I took her to the beauty shop at the hotel and asked them to cut me a little bit of her hair... priceless treasure!!!!!

We also chose to do a fashion shoot with Lili in all of her cute little outfits... she was a real trooper and humored us for the majority of the "shoot". We got some amazing pictures of her! And Max was so cute.... after her pictures were done, he told us that we needed to take some pictures of him holding his baby! He's so in love with her!!!

The rest of these two days we strolled briefly through the mall, but otherwise just hung out in the hotel. After we watched our friends' grief and sorrow at leaving their baby, I think we were preparing ourselves for Friday when we had to leave our beautiful Lili.

Phone Call to Guatemala

I'm missing Lili. We got dumped on with snow today, so I came home early from work and picked up Max before naptime. We came home, he napped, and I sat around thinking about Lili. When Moses came home, I asked him to call Ligia and find out how Lili's doing and whether or not they've got the internet and webcam hooked up at their house.

He called and spoke with Ligia... she was very rushed, as she'd just gotten Lili out of the bath and was trying to get her dressed before dinner. She told Moses that the internet and webcam would hopefully be installed this weekend. Once they get it installed, they'll try to send us a video email so that we can see Lili. She and Moe also talked about our next visit trip the first week of March. We're going to travel together to Antigua, which should be very enjoyable. Also, she mentioned that Lili is gaining lots of weight and that we should be sure to bring bigger clothes for the next trip... she said a lot of the 0-3 month clothes that we took with us on the last trip are popping buttons and bursting at the seams! It's great to know that she's growing, but it also makes me so sad to think that I'm not there to watch her grow... I'm hoping for some progress on our case in the next couple of weeks (before we head to Guatemala) so that I can at least feel a little bit closer to bringing her home!!!!!!

Day 3 of our first visit trip (1/16)

Tuesday, our third morning in Guatemala, started with breakfast with the Melvin's. It was so nice having such wonderful people to share our time with and to get the opportunity to get to know this amazing family. After breakfast, we decided to all head out to the zoo and the handicrafts market. Chris ran to get some cash from the ATM while Moses arranged for a driver to take us to the zoo. Within minutes, a man pulled up in a taxi (they are actually employed by the hotel). The car was a small four door car that had seen better days... and did I mention it was small? Misty and I looked at each other and started to giggle and panic at the same time. We knew that the Guatemalans didn't really use car seats or seatbelts, but we were freaking out a little bit to think that 4 adults, a 10 year old, a 4 year old and two babies were all going to ride in a VERY small car. The front seat was bucket seats, and there was a small back seat. The only way we would all fit was for everyone to either be holding someone on their lap or sitting on someone's lap! Thank goodness, once Chris got back, we realized there were two cars... one for each family! That didn't completely eliminate the nervousness about the drive... considering the cars drive no particular speed limit, change lanes in the blink of an eye, and weave in and out of traffic. Thankfully, we made it to the zoo all in one piece!

We enjoyed walking around the zoo. It was actually very safe and very nice. We were a little curious to see if the animals were malnourished (like they are in Mexico). We were happy to see that they all looked well-fed and well cared for. We walked around together with the Melvin's for a couple of hours. The Melvin's were preparing to go home on Wednesday, and were starting to feel the gloom of departing and leaving Baby Lyza. They decided, since they'd been shopping in Antigua, to leave us at the handicraft market and head back to the hotel for some family time. Moses called for the driver to come back for them, then we headed to the market. It was, once again, very safe and nice. We didn't plan to do too much shopping, since we figured we'd find better deals in Antigua. However, we didn't count on how many nice things we'd find nor how inexpensive a lot of the items are. It's amazing to see how hard the Guatemalans work to make these products and they sell them for so little! They expect you to negotiate with them about the price of the goods, but we didn't negotiate much because we felt like the prices were already so reasonable! We bought a drum for Max, several local items to give to Lili in the future (traditional doll, a small purse, a bracelet, and a quilt), as well as a picture frame, a trivet, a cute bag and a small change purse. (Notice, Moses got NOTHING for himself! I was actually the big shopper of the day!)

After the market, we went back to the hotel to hang out in our room. We had dinner at one of the restaurants in the hotel called the Thai Grill. It was excellent! The food was amazing, the atmosphere and decor were very cool, and the prices were great! The food was create your own shish-kabobs and wok dishes. Max was not a happy camper and acted up for a good part of the meal, but eventually came around and enjoyed himself. Lili was a gem... she slept and hung out in her bouncy chair while we ate! Not a peep out of her!

After dinner, we ended up visiting with the Melvin's in their room so that we could show them what we bought at the market, and they could show us what they bought in Antigua. It was actually a somewhat sad evening, as we knew that our friends were leaving the next day, and (more importantly) we were very aware of the pain that they were feeling about having to leave Baby Lyza in Guatemala. In addition, the day had been the first that we began to think about how difficult it was going to be for us to leave Lili. I certainly started to shed a few tears this night, and my heart started to break and weep for our family (and especially for Lili).

My sweet and loving son!

I'm about ready to fall into bed, but just had to post this before I forget. Moses & I (and one of our dear friends Shelly) took Max to see Stars on Ice tonight. It's an iceskating show which he was VERY excited about and seemed to really enjoy. We had a priceless moment during the show, thanks to my sweetheart of a son.

One of the skaters came out to do a routine to the song by James Blunt, "You're Beautiful". Whether or not you like the song, everyone should be able to appreciate what happened next. Max was sitting on Moses' lap, and made a comment that brought tears to Moses' eyes. He told Max to tell me what he had said... my beautiful and caring little boy said "Mommy, when Lili gets home from Guatemala, I think you, me and Daddy should sing this song to her." He's such a wonderful boy with a big heart... and boy does he love his new baby sister!

Day 2 of our first trip to Guatemala (1/15)

OK, getting back to our first visit trip to Guatemala. After a long night of trying to get used to Lili's schedule, meeting her needs, and me trying to survive my bronchitis, we got up and had a nice late breakfast at the hotel. We spent the day hanging out, walked to the grocery store (which was a Super Walmart!), and getting to know Lili. The walk to the grocery store was about 4 blocks, but it was very interesting. Thank goodness we didn't have to cross the main street... we probably would have been hit! The drivers are a little on the crazy side. The sidewalks are uneven and tiny, so even walking was a bit difficult. The grocery store was just like a Super Walmart here, with some minor differences. One thing we noticed was the meat department... they do not have a butcher counter where you tell the butcher what you want. Instead, they have open air "tubs" of different meats that you can walk up to and serve yourself. You put the meat that you want into a bag, and the butcher weighs the bag. This was kind of gross, but very interesting. When we approached the produce department, I was amazed at the strong smell of fruit! It ends up they have a specialty juice counter, where they are freshly squeezing several different fruit juices! YUMMY! It was interesting walking around and seeing the different products that were available.... no diet soda (they have "light" soda, which tastes more like regular than diet), their chips are different (cheetos were puffier and doritos were SPICY!). I needed to get some cough syrup, so I ventured off by myself to find the medicine section of the store. What a difference from back home... in my normal grocery stores at home, there are usually three FULL aisles of medicines. This very large super walmart had a small (maybe 10 ft) section of one side of the aisle with medicines... not a very big selection. I didn't have a hard time picking a cough syrup... there was only one choice of cough syrups!

As day 2 progressed, we were getting more used to Lili's schedule and her personality. She was VERY easy-going. She cries when she's hungry, and that's about it. We were amazed at how alert she was for a 5-6 week old. She loved to look into our eyes and to scan the room taking everything in. Max was absolutely in love with Lili. Every so often, he'd ask where his baby was and if he could see her. Usually, that meant he wanted to kiss her and then tell us "oh, sweet girl" or "oh, pretty girl" or "oh, what a princess"! He was so cute with her!

When our friends, the Melvins, returned from Antigua, we met them in the lobby to hang out for a little while. We ended up back in our room just hanging out with them. Around 8:45, Max told us he was hungry... we'd missed dinner! Moses was going to run to the food court, but they closed at 9:00. We talked about getting room service, but we decided to try the local chicken place that everybody RAVES about, Pollo Campero. Moses went to the front desk to ask exactly where the restaurant was. They told him that, even though it was about a half block from the front door of the hotel, they would not allow him to go there by himself. Basically, American tourists are not safe in Guatemala if it's after dark. So.... Rafael, a bellman that the Melvins had used for their tour to Antigua, offered to walk Moses to the restaurant. The two of them were there and back quickly, but it was yet another look at how different our cultures are. We ate dinner, Moses & Max watched a movie (I'm sure it was Star Wars!), and Moses let Lili sleep on his shoulder. I went to bed before they did so that when Lili woke up in the night I'd have gotten some sleep and could trade off with Moses. The arrangement actually worked really well. Moses had Lili until 2 am, then I gave her a bottle and snuggled with her on the couch until she fell asleep in my arms. Then, when she woke at 5am, I gave her another bottle and took her to bed with Moses & I. This ended up being our routine while we were in Guate.

I will try to post soon with details of Day 3 of our trip!

The adoption rollercoaster... I'm on the upswing!

Well, after my last post and a couple of depressing days, we had some happy times last night that changed my mood! Moses came home early hoping that our foster family may be able to make it to the internet cafe before they closed at 6:00. If they were able to make it, they were going to call to let us know so that we could attempt to chat with them via instant messenger. We heard nothing, which of course added to my sadness. Moses & Max were doing their best to cheer me up... they stopped at the store so that Max could get me a goodie bag. I don't think I've ever seen a bigger heart shaped lollipop in my life! Needless to say, Max was very excited that it was large enough for us to share.

So, after dinner and some family time, I was getting ready for bed. I wanted to check our email account one more time to see if I'd received a response to an inquiry I sent to a hotel in Guatemala. To my surprise, I had an instant message from someone in Guatemala. Her name is Leslye and she is a friend (and neighbor) of Ligia & Angel who are fostering Lili! She spoke a little english, so I was able to speak IM with her briefly, but then I offered to get Moses to speak spanish with her. When he started talking with her, she told us that she was on the phone with Ligia, and that Ligia and Lili were on their way to her house!!!! I can't even tell you how excited we were! We spoke with Leslye until they arrived, then Leslye was able to use her digital camera to take some photos of Lili and send them to us via the IM. We were also able to test out the computer to computer "phone" calls (like I've been trying out with my parents). Because Leslye did not have a microphone on her computer, they were unable to talk live to us, but they did have speakers so they could hear Moses speaking to them. They would listen to him speak, and then they would respond by typing on the IM. We were able to talk to them for almost 20 minutes before their battery on the laptop started to die. We did make arrangements with them that we are going to send money for Ligia to get internet access at home and to purchase a web camera. That way, Ligia and Angel and their daughters can call us live on the computer at anytime from home with Lili, rather than having to go to the internet cafe!!!

Wow... it's amazing how the smallest things will uplift you during this process! I was so down about everything yesterday, but thanks to my AMAZING husband, my sensitive son, and my two best girlfriends at work (Rebecca & Patty), I was able to get through the day. And thanks to the prayers that I offered up all weekend and all day yesterday, we were able to communicate with Lili!!!

Down in the dumps...

Everyone is busy watching the SuperBowl (Go Bears!), so I have nobody to talk to. Thank goodness for computers... I'll unload some of my sadness on the blog.

It's so sad and overwhelming sometimes to go through this process and deal with the ups and downs. The lack of control is something that is very difficult to explain. We have no control over, really, any part of the process. The attorneys, governments and our agency are in control of everything. More importantly, we are unable to see, speak to or hold our baby Lili when we want to. Every little shred of contact that we have with her (and her foster family) has to be enough to carry us through until the next contact.

Over a week ago, our foster mother called to say that they were taking Lili to an internet cafe to try to email us and use the web cameras to communicate with us. I rushed out to buy a web camera, got it installed, and then waited... and waited... and waited. After several hours, we did get emails from Liliana and her foster family, but they appeared to be delayed from when they had sent them. We immediately responded to them, but did not hear back. Later in the week, Moses called and talked to Angel, the foster father, and found out that they planned to visit the internet cafe again on Saturday and would either call us in the morning or around 3:00 pm. We waited all day... and heard nothing. Late last night, we finally got some emails, but again they appeared to be delayed. The last email said that they would go back to the cafe at the same time on Sunday and that we should call them at that time.

So, I got through today anticipating the call tonight... and hoping to see my little princess via the web camera. But, yet again, it wasn't meant to be. Moses called the foster family and discovered that the emails were coming through at least an hour after they were sent... they had already left the cafe and were on their way home. Moses was able to talk briefly with them, and called them again just a short time ago once they were home. We've hopefully ironed out the kinks and figured out when to call each other and when we will try to chat online. If we're lucky, they are going to try again tomorrow night. If not, I'll have to make it through another week until they can try again on Saturday. So, for tonight, my heart is broken and I'm feeling sad about the process and how little I can control (or even participate in!) I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be back in a positive frame of mind and can just appreciate the good things that we do have, instead of focusing on the things that we miss out on with this process. It's just so hard... because I miss my baby girl.

January Visit Trip Details - part 1

I'm going to do my best to capture our 6 days in Guatemala. I'll try to list things based on the chronology of events, and will elaborate as well on some of the high points.

Saturday 1/13 - finished all of the packing, Krista went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis, Max went to the doctor with a virus/fever. Mommy & Max went to bed at 7:30pm and got up at 10:30pm. Daddy & Uncle Mike had the car loaded and we left for the airport at 11:00pm.

Sunday 1/14 - killed two hours at the airport international terminal (basically a ghost town!). Thankfully, Max was feeling better and wasn't too much of a bear with the disrupted schedule. Our flight left Chicago for Guat City at 2:30am. Uneventful flight, we slept off and on for the four hours and arrived at Guat City at 6:30 am. Got through Immigration and Customs, got our luggage, and had someone help us outside with our luggage. Finally made it to the shuttle for our hotel and were on our way! I must say, the experience at the airport was not too scary, although the entire place was VERY run-down and everything appeared to be in mid-construction. We were surprised at how many people were outside of the airport milling about and selling stuff... even at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning!

Our driver took off for the hotel, which is about 10 minutes from the airport. The drive was interesting... no speed limits, no lane markers, no turn signals, cars zipping around and cutting each other off! On top of that, there are no car seats or seatbelts, so we were doing our best to hold on to Max! As we tried to soak up the sights, we were amazed by the constant state of disrepair that prevailed in the city. Shacks, tin roofs, crumbling buildings, construction and people everywhere. Especially startling were all of the armed guards in the streets and in front of buildings. Whether they are military, police, private guards... they carry VERY large guns and are rather intimidating to someone not used to seeing this! We prepared Max for the fact that he would see men with guns, but that he should not be scared because they were the good guys! He accepted our explanation and never really questioned it.

Even though we got to the hotel at 7:30am, they had our room ready for us!! Thank God! We were already feeling the excitement and adrenaline about meeting Liliana. And after the overnight travel and limited sleep, it was a good thing that we were able to go to our suite and get settled. We were fortunate to have located another family adopting through our agency who was visiting at the same time and staying in our hotel (Misty, Chris & their 10 year old Madisyn). We had corresponded via email prior to the trip and they were planning to take pictures for us when we met Lili for the first time. I called Misty to touch base... we had arranged that we would get Lili at 10am in the lobby, so Misty agreed to meet as at 9:45am. We were so excited, all three of us... we were bouncing of the walls! We went to the lobby at 9:30am, Misty showed up at 9:45 with Baby Lyza (who's exactly one month older than Lili!!!), and then Chris & Madisyn arrived shortly thereafter. We waited until 10:30 for either the foster family or our agency coordinators (Andrea & Rafael) to arrive. When I finally made a move to find a phone to call Andrea, Misty came running to tell me that Andrea & Rafael had arrived. They live in Guatemala, are employed by our agency, and are ANGELS! They facilitate baby drop-offs between foster & adoptive families, translate, take monthly photos of the babies to send to families in the US, escort adoptive families to embassy and doctor appointments, and pretty much oversee everything that occurs in Guatemala as it relates to the adoption process. We were able to speak with them for several minutes before Moses finally gave in to Max's request to go back to the room to retrieve his beloved puppy blankie.

And, I'm sure you can guess what happened next.... the foster family arrived with Lili! Andrea & Rafael had never met our foster mother, Ligia, before, nor had they met Lili. The only information that we had (which was likely dated) was that Ligia was single and a stylist. Ends up, she is married, has three daughters and is fostering for the first time. Our hotel is very adoption friendly, so there are lots of people in and out of the lobby area dropping off and picking up babies. Andrea approached the family, who looked a bit lost, as they stood across the lobby from us. There was Ligia, her husband Angel and their three daughters Jessica, Josselin and Susana. They had Lili, but we couldn't see her because she was completely covered with blankets (the Guatemalan people typically bundle up the babies, so we knew to expect this). When Andrea determined that this was our foster family and our baby Lili, she brought them over to me and made introductions. Misty was taking pictures, Chris was videotaping, and Moses and Max were still upstairs!!!

Never, as long as I live, will I forget the next few moments. Once introductions were made, Andrea asked the family to uncover Lili and hand her to me. The oldest daughter was holding Lili - she removed the top blanket, and all I could see was the orange blanket that was used for Lili's first pictures!!! There is a story behind the orange blanket that I will share at a later time, but it added another special moment to our meeting. Finally, snuggled up in the bundle of blankets, I saw the most beautiful and tiny face.... my daughter, my angel, my Lili. She was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. And so perfectly delicate and feminine! Through my tears I reached out to take her.... and that first moment was perfect and more wonderful than I ever dreamt. I kissed her, and smelled her baby smell, and looked into her eyes... and then I prepared for the moment when she would meet her Daddy and her big brother, Max.

I have to say... when I first realized that I was going to meet the foster family and Lili before Moses & Max got back, I was kind of panicked. I thought, "Wait, someone push the pause button!" In hindsight, I am so glad that things worked out as they did. Because I had the few minutes to meet the family and Lili and to take her all in, I was then able to switch my attention to Moses and Max and watch their first meeting with our newest little Arenas. It was a priceless moment. The elevators at the hotel are glass elevators that face the lobby... as they were riding down we were able to see them coming. Max was yelling in the elevator that "Mommy has our baby!!!" And just seconds after the elevator doors opened, Max and Moses came running around the corner to meet Lili. The smiles on their faces were huge... genuine... deep. There were a few moments of chaos as Max clamored to hold Lili, but finally Moses picked him up so that he could see her more closely. Max was ecstatic. Moses was grinning from ear-to-ear. I handed Lili to Moses and then picked up Max. He immediately gave her the teddy blankie that he bought for her (just like his puppy blankie, his most prized possession). And then he hugged and kissed her. The sweetest moment to witness. My loving and beautiful son meeting our new amazing daughter for the first time... and he was immediately in love!

We spent about 15 minutes in the lobby talking with the foster family about Lili's schedule, getting their telephone numbers, giving them the gifts and baby items that we had brought, and making plans for later in the week. Once we were finished, the foster family, Andrea & Rafael left. We thanked Misty, Chris & their girls, and then went to our room to marvel at our beautiful miracle of a daughter! We spent a couple of hours just looking at her, taking her clothes off and absorbing every little inch of her. We were all exhausted, so after a bottle for Lili we all took a nap. After our nap, we did venture out to the mall that's attached to the hotel to get something to eat and to go to the pharmacy for bottled water and pop. The rest of the evening we spent in our room as a family... trying to get settled, enjoying our first day together.

That first night was pretty exhausting... between trying to get a handle on Lili's schedule (she was taking only 2 ounces every 2-3 hours!), lack of sleep from our night of travelling, and my bronchitis (which had worsened after the flight!), we were really struggling just to get through the night. But we were ok with that, in light of the beautiful gift that we'd been given. What a wonderful and amazing day!!!

Our decision to visit...

After we found out that we had a daughter, we were on cloud 9! Max took the pictures to school, we took the pictures to work, we shared the news with friends and family. As a joke, I told Moses that if he needed an inexpensive idea for a Christmas gift for me, he could buy me a plane ticket to Guatemala. He took me seriously... he called and talked with Kristi, our coordinator at FTIA, about visiting.

Almost everyone who chooses to make a visit trip (it's a choice, not a requirement), decides to wait until the DNA test has been completed and results are in. The reason for this is that, if a birth mother is going to change her mind about the adoption, it is most likely that she will do so before DNA testing. Additionally, there is always a slight chance that someone other than the birth mother was working with the attorney to place the baby for adoption, in which case the DNA would not match and the baby would not be available for adoption (unless the real birth mother could be found). DNA testing, on average, is completed three months after the referral information is received. Moses knew how badly I wanted to see Lili as a tiny baby, and he also felt a strong urge to not miss this early stage in her life. He did lots of research about flight options and hotels and was preparing to book a trip as a surprise gift for me for Christmas. He decided instead to tell me before booking the trip... considering my controlling nature and my anxiety issues, as well as work and home committments, he figured it was a good idea to talk to me about the trip before actually booking it. So, he came home from work one night and told me that we were going to Guatemala. He explained all that he'd done to prepare for a trip, and said that he figured it was worth the price (and the potential risk) to be able to see Lili as a tiny baby! Wow! What a husband!

We decided to visit for 5 nights, 6 days. We planned the visit for January 14 - 19 for the three of us. For the flight, we discovered that there is one airline that flies nonstop into Guatemala City out of Chicago. This is really preferable for us when travelling with Max. The only catch... the flights are red-eye flights. We decided it was worth it to avoid a connection, so we booked the red-eye. The flight to Guatemala leaves Chicago at 2:30 am and arrives at 6:30 am. The return to Chicago leaves at 8:30 pm and arrives at 12:30 am. Although this does make for some disrupted sleep and a little bit of exhaustion, we were not only able to avoid a connection, but we were also able to spend lots of extra time with Lili! This is definitely the way to go!

Our decision to visit so early in Lili's life was the best decision EVER.... I can't even begin to explain how amazing it was to get to meet our beautiful daughter and to experience her personality and habits at such an early time in her life. We will forever remember the experience, and I promise to share the details of our visit when I post next!

How we got the news about Liliana

After so many months of paperwork and WAITING for news about a baby girl, we were growing more and more impatient and eager to get some news. We have an assigned coordinator at our adoption agency in Indiana that we are in contact with about our process... her name is Kristi. I had called Kristi the first week of December having a bit of a meltdown. I was getting somewhate depressed about the wait, and was looking for any bit of information that she could provide. In reality, the coordinators are not allowed to tell us where we fall on the waiting list. The reason for this is that people are approved for different "types" of babies. Different ages of children, different medical needs, and different "requests" (such as age of birth mother, ethnic background of child, etc). There are some cases where someone that is further down the waiting list will get a referral before someone closer to the top of the list because the child is a better match for the family. In order to prevent people from getting upset about this type of situation, they don't tell you exactly where you fall on the waiting list. So... when I talked to our coordinator, all she could tell me was that we were getting close and to hang in there!!

My patience was restored at least for a few days. Less than a week later, on Thursday 12/14, I sent a follow-up email to Kristi asking if there had been any referrals. I didn't hear back from her that day, but didn't think much of it. The next day, Friday 12/15, Moses and I had scheduled to take the day off and keep Max home from school. We planned to spend a quiet family day before the craziness of the holidays. When our phone rang at 8:00 am on Friday morning, I was slow to grab it figuring that it must be someone from the bank calling for Moses. When he said "It's FTIA in Indiana".... I about lost it! I knew they had to be calling with great news!!!!!

I immediately called our coordinator... and sure enough, they had information about a referral for us! We were asked to review her medical information before we saw her picture.... they didn't want her physical appearance to impact our decision. When we got her medical documents via email, I was SHOCKED and overwhelmed with emotion to see her birth name... Gladys Patricia. My maternal grandmother, whom I was VERY close to, was Gladys Marie. I couldn't believe it.... it was a sign from my grandmother that this was our baby! Sure enough, nothing in the medical was an issue so we called our coordinator and told her we were THRILLED to accept the referral of baby Gladys. She emailed us pictures (WOW! how beautiful!) and gave us a run down of the information about her birth mother, etc over the phone. She promised to send us the referral packet (pictures, birth mother information, medical information, attorney information, foster mother information, etc) overnight if she could get everything together. We were SOOOOOO excited!!!!! We told Max that his baby was born... he immediately asked if we were going to Guatemala to get her and bring her home. I explained to him that she wasn't quite ready to come home. He was a bit confused by this, but excited about his baby sister! We called Grandma Lois & Grandpa Corey to tell them about the baby (especially about her birth name, as Gladys was Grandma Lois' mother). We made a couple more phone calls, stared at her pictures, raced to Target with the pictures so we could print them out, and CELEBRATED our good fortune! The entire weekend was spent on cloud 9... sharing the great news with family and friends, staring at her picture, and marveling in the fact that we had finally met our daughter! Liliana Marie was the name we had chosen for her prior to receiving the referral. This name was a combination of our four grandmother's names. However, in an effort to honor her birth mother and the gift that she had given us, we chose to change the name to Liliana Rose Marie (her birth mother's name is Rosa). That day, Liliana Rose Marie became an immediate member of our family and captured a place in many people's hearts!!

Description of the adoption process (LONG)...

So, last that I wrote I was explaining about our decision to travel down the road of adoption. Once we'd made our mind to adopt, we were very eager to get things moving. We started to research different adoption agencies prior to our last round of fertility treatment. We had all but decided on the agency that we would use to do our homestudy (our homestudy agency) as well as the agency that we would use to help us find a baby in Guatemala (our placement agency). We heard about an adoption symposium from our fertility doctor and while attending met a wonderful woman who shared her story with us. She and her husband were unable to have biological children. She is hispanic and her husband is caucasian (sounds familiar). They adopted their daughter from Mexico, which is very uncommon. She said they spent a lot of money, a lot of time and a lot of frustration trying to get through the adoption in Mexico. After the struggle to bring their daughter home, they decided to adopt a son from Guatemala. They decided to use Families Through International Adoption (FTIA) out of Indiana for their placement agency. This woman RAVED about her experience with the agency, as well as her experience with the adoption process in Guatemala. We were sold. After some additional research, and our last failed fertility attempt, we signed our application with FTIA in May 2006 to adopt a child from Guatemala. For those who are not familiar with the adoption process, or specifically with the process to adopt from Guatemala, I thought I'd give a little overview....

1) Pick your placement agency, which is any adoption agency in the US that has specific agreements with orphanages and/or adoption attorneys in the country that you want to adopt.
2) Pick a home study agency to complete your state DCFS requirements, as well as the social worker portion of the documents (if your placement agency is located in the state that you reside, they are able to complete your homestudy. Otherwise, you must select a different agency within your state of residence).
3) Prepare all of the necessary documentation for your dossier and work with the social worker from your home study agency to complete your home study. The dossier is the "application" that will be sent to Guatemala. It includes documents to meet the requirements of Guatemala, the US Embassy, US Immigration Services, DCFS and your placement agency. The home study includes personal home visits from a licensed social worker, as well as a lengthy write up about your ability (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, medically) to parent an adopted child.
4) When all dossier documents and the home study are completed, the documents are sent to your placement agency and you are officially on the waiting list for a child. For us, this meant the beginning of a 3 month wait for our daughter! We went on the waiting list on 9/5/06 and found out about Liliana on 12/15/06.
5) The "referral" of a child is when the agency provides information about a specific child for your family to adopt. Upon review of the documentation, if you chose to proceed with the adoption, you complete more paperwork. This, combined with your original dossier, is then sent to Guatemala for translation and is used by the adoption attorney to proceed through the process.
6) The attorney submits your paperwork to US Immigration Services to get preapproval to bring the child into the US as an adopted child. The US Embassy will then issue authorization to have DNA testing completed on the birth mother and child (this is a requirement of the US and Guatemalan governments to prove maternity). When DNA testing is completed and is a match, you get preapproval from the US Embassy to proceed to the next step.
7) The attorney will submit a Power of Attorney in Guatemalan court to represent us. He then files our dossier with a Guatemalan Family Court, who will complete interviews with Lili's foster mother and birth mother. The social worker from Family Court will review our dossier and home study, and make a recommendation to approve our file. If the judge approves, this is Family Court approval.
8) After receipt of US Embassy preapproval and Family Court approval, the file is submitted to PGN (Guatemalan legal arm that approves adoptions). The file is reviewed by attorneys in PGN and can take weeks to months to get approval of the attorney. After an attorney approves the file, it must then be approved by the PGN Director. This is often the longest part of the process.
9) After PGN approval, the birth mother will sign the final adoption decree making Lili legally our daughter. The attorney will request a revised birth certificate for Lili (with our last name and Moses & I listed as her parents). Upon receipt of the birth certificate, the file will be submitted to the US Embassy for a Visa appointment (this is referred to as "pink" because the appointment slip is on pink paper). At that point, we will get a call telling us when we are scheduled for the Visa appointment, we will fly to Guatemala and get Lili! During the last part of the process, a passport will be issued, Lili will have a final appointment with a US Embassy doctor, and we will be saying goodbye to Lili's foster family. The trip to pickup Lili will be somewhat last minute, but will be short and sweet (just a few days in Guatemala!) When we return home, Lili will legally be our daughter and will be a US Citizen.

Whew!!!!! It's hard to describe the process to anyone who's not part of the adoption circle. Lots of steps, lots of waiting and lots of uncertainty. For those of you who wonder "How long until she comes home?", there's really no good answer. Every step in this process can have it's delays... there are average timeframes for everything, but no consistency to anything regarding timing. If I had to say the average timeframe from the time of the referral (acceptance of the child) until bringing the child home, it averages around 6-8 months. The quickest I've seen anyone get through is 4 months, and the longest I've seen is 12+ months and still waiting! So... that said, say a special prayer for us, do a little dance, light some candles... whatever brings luck to those you are thinking of!

Until next time....